worth

during my travels last week, I found myself with the question of:

"was all of the happiness and joy and love that I experienced over the past 9 1/2 years with him worth the pain that I am going through now?"


it has taken me awhile to come up with an answer, but every time it is the same one -


NO

alone again

for the first time in almost ten years, I can say that I am alone

before - I always had him

well, not always - he pursued me.  I didn't want a relationship.  I had made a vow to myself to be single (and love it!) for the rest of my life

and then he came along

we were only seeing each other for a couple of weeks before he said "I love you"

my response?  "I'm not ready to say that yet"

and I wasn't



guess I should have waited another 9 and a half years........

20 days

I have known for 20 days now, and yes - I still love him.

I want our life back.

But I do not want him back as the person that he is now - a liar, a cheater, a betrayer of trust.

I want back the person that I loved for ten years, that I thought loved me.

The man that gave me butterflies in my stomach every time he walked in to a room.
The man I thought that I had married six weeks ago.

The man that proclaimed marriage vows in front of his family and closest friends.



He is not that man anymore.

He says he has changed - he's not the person I knew.

He's not the person that I loved.



There is no winning in this situation.