loss

reposted from @ibeandrea's Instagram

signs

I miss him so bad.

But "he" is not "him" anymore. There is nothing when I look in to his eyes.

What once was the most honest, sympathetic, gentle soul filled with integrity and work ethic is now incapable of telling even the most basic truth or following thru on the most mundane statement.

What happened? Where did he go?



And why didn't I notice?

Once

Only broke down once today.

The drugs must finally be starting to work.

25 days

Eight years ago today he had a beautiful ring and a beautiful question for me - he asked me to be his wife.

25 days ago I spoke to his girlfriend.



Today - I am thankful for my family who are supporting me thru this.

I am thankful that I am healthy.
(at least physically - working on the mental & emotional part)



I am thankful I found out sooner rather than later.

sarcasm font needed

after we got back from the honeymoon, I wasn't ready for these to be off the car but he wanted to wash it and get everything off, so I put them on the oven & microwave door to continue the "celebration" -

how F'n ironic, no?

alone again

for the first time in almost ten years, I can say that I am alone

before - I always had him

well, not always - he pursued me.  I didn't want a relationship.  I had made a vow to myself to be single (and love it!) for the rest of my life

and then he came along

we were only seeing each other for a couple of weeks before he said "I love you"

my response?  "I'm not ready to say that yet"

and I wasn't



guess I should have waited another 9 and a half years........

watching, waiting - aniticpating

I get home early and look at the phone.

When we drove separately, I would always get home earlier than him, and he would call and tell me he was on his way, and what we should do for dinner (more like what he was going to cook for dinner).

But I just realized he's not going to call tonight.

He doesn't live here anymore. 



I kicked him out.